I'VE HAD FINALS FOR THE PASS 2 WEEKS.
I HAVE A HUGE TEST TODAY.
I WOKE UP AT 5AM AND STUDIED FOR 3 HOURS.
NOW TIME TO GO KICK BUTT.

UPDATE SOON.

=)

MY MARRIAGE IS CRUMBLING!
A LOT GOING ON.
WHY CAN'T IT BE BETTER NOW??!!??

I'm still here.
I'm kicking as.s with school.
I've already completed 1 course (with an A) and slowly creeping up on knocking out another one. (whew)
I love school.
I'm pretty sure I'm going to pull at least a 3.5 this semester.
Hopefully..the rest of the semester is as smooth as it has been for the last month.

Back to the books...

Everything is BETTER!
I'm stressing no more and it feels good.
I have nothing to worry about and somehow I feel "weird."
I stress toooo much about the little stuff.
I don't know why I do that..
I should be greatful. I AM
I WILL BE.

I just noticed it's been a minute since I posted.
I've been traveling to different locations and bombarded with school papers.
As of the moment I'm ahead in 2 courses but have falled behind in 3, sorta.
I have yet to purchase a book for one of my clases.. who knew a simple textbook could cost a whopping $180.00. I need this book to finish a sh.it load of assignments that are due on October 5th.  I really think someone should do something about the textbook nazi companies.
I can't believe it costs me more to purchase textbooks than to actually attend school..over $300.00 more.
Wacksauceee!
I'll find away.

Today was great.
My husband and I went to lunch it was nice, as always, to be with him.
----

I've been bothered by a few things and I can't seem to shake them.
This morning, someone I was speaking with, began to speak about someone who isn't around anymore. It bothered me! People expect me to hurt or be sad about the situation but I'm not. I let it go..and when this person went on and on about the individual it got to me. I can't stop thinking about it. He's not here anymore.. I'm healing ..and when people talk about him..it doesn't help. Parts of me want to tell them to get over it..move on but I don't have the heart to do so.

I'm stressing.
I can't sleep.
I laid in bed for a good 30 minutes tossing, turning, thinking, PRAYING!
My husband woke up and I whispered to him to tell me, "everything will be ok."
Still half asleep..he did.
I felt better. I needed someone to tell me this..even if things turn out negative.
It'll all pass soon.
Being so unsure...concerns me.
I want to lay in bed and pretend I'm in a different time.
I want to be with the stars..

I can't sleep. I'm nervous about everything, my financial situation being the bulk of this frustration.
It seems like I can never get ahead.  If it ain't one thing it's another.
All I want to do is PROVIDE and LOVE my babies.
*ugh*

I can't wait to move .. I can't wait until my husband starts his new job and I can relax a little.
I NEED FAMILY!

This morning..after paying all the bills I ended up with $4.00. That's it $4.00.

Late this afternoon, I took a nap.
While I was napping I heard "something" whisper to me..
"don't worry..you'll be ok. Go to the casino."
I woke up, frightened.
It seemed so real..
For  a moment I thought my husband was back home.
I sat up for a few minutes ...worried.
I couldn't stop thinking about how I'm going to feed my girls, purchase diapers etc.
I decided I needed to go for a drive. I drove down to south Tucson into Pasqua to visit a friend.
Luckly, his wife and sister were home. I suppose they could saw how worried I was. They asked and I gave them a, "I'm tired" excuse.
My friend called from the casino and his wife asked me if I would go pick him up.
I agreed.
I walked into the casino searching for him.
Couldn't locate him and for some strange reason I sat at a double diamond dollar machine.
I debated if I should gamble or not..
...
... *still waiting*
...
Finally, I reached into my wallet pulled out my $4.00 and procceded to gamble at the dollar machine.
First, dollar ... NOTHING
2nd dollar..NOTHING!
..
Finally, I inserted my last $2.00 .
Closing my eyes, I hoped everything could be better.
 It really didn't matter to me if I won..ok, it did.
I knew if I lost my $4.00 I'd feel horrible.
I hoped to walk out with $4.00 ..
I thought to myself.. "I'll be ok..if I could win my $4.00 back"

I PLAYED THE MAX $2.00
My final $2.00... the last I had.
.
.
.
I closed my eyes.. put my head down...and HOPED!

I looked up..and saw 3 DOUBLE DIAMONDS!!
I won $2,600!
I'm so excited.
I cashed out...
Found my friend, well he actually found me and we returned back to his house.
I took them out to dinner.
After dinner my girls and I went to Sams club and stocked up on stuff they  needed.
Next stop was the bank. I deposited 50% of my winnings into their accounts and with the rest I deposited it into my account.

I'm so relieved.
Whoever was watching over me....THANK YOU!

I'M BROKE!
I HAVE $4.00 IN MY WALLET AFTER PAYING ALL THE BILLS!

I STAYED UP ALL NIGHT BEADING BECAUSE I WAS FAR TO WORRIED/STRESSED OUT TO SLEEP.
AFTER BEADING UNTIL 4AM, I BEGAN TO THINK ABOUT OUR MOVE TO OKLAHOMA AND JUST HOW UNPLEASANT IT WILL BE TO PACK AND SHIP EVERYTHING.
I DECIDED TO SELL A LOT OF MY VINYL. I HAVE A TON!!! (EECK)
I LOOKED AROUND THE ROOM AND STARTED TAKING PICTURES OF THINGS TO POST ON EBAY.
I ENDED UP POSTING THINGS EARLY THIS MORNING.
IT'S NOON AND I'M STILL NOT CLOSE TO BEING DONE.
I'M READY TO MOVE ALREEEAADDDY!
I'M STRESSING OUT.
BABIES NEED DIAPERS.. AMONGST OTHER THINGS.
I'LL MAKE IT!
I ALWAYS HAVE.
I JUST HAVE TO REMAIN FOCUSED!
WOULD BE NICE IF MY FINANCIAL AID ROLLED IN TODAY, THOUGH.
(PRAYS)

After being on the road for a good 2 weeks, I'm finally recovered enough to check emails and do other online business.
I was traveling around Arizona and New Mexico doing family emergency stuff.
I was in Gallup visiting family and meeting new people, sorta.

My husbands birthday was on Sunday.
He also left (back to Oklahoma) and I returned to Tucson.
Man, it's something else.
I arrived home to find stacks and stacks of bills itching for my attention.
I paid a majority of them, which is always good.
School starts next Wednesday and my financial aid hasn't come in yet.
I hope everything with that works out.
I'm in such a bind with everything.
Taking my unplanned trip really threw me off!

[I have a ton on my mind but girls to attend to.]

ugotogal: these are the necklaces I currently have available

$22.00 EACH (SHIPPING AND HANDLING INCLUDED IN PRICE

It's amazes me ..the way  SOME men define love.
Seems like situations surface ..and automatically their common knowledge slides out the window. I don't get it, I never will nor do I want to.
The only thing I get, I know and I live is treat the one you love with respect.

I've done that.

...now what..........

Do I act as if it didn't happen?  NOPE!

I'm starting to believe the concept of, "Never trust anyone but yourself."

IT MAKES SENSE TO ME!

Yesterday, I found out my husband was telling another female that we WEREN'T married.
WTF is that about?
I couldn't even believe he would say such a thing.
Oh, of course I asked him why he would say such a thing.
He gave me a typical MALE answer: "I DON'T KNOW!"
Naturally, this released some fury.

I can't even think about it ... at the moment.

some MEN!
(sighs)

the husband and I went on a week and half UNPLANNED vacation!
It was wonderful.
We stopped at random places and just played everything by ear.
Stayed up in north western arizona for a good week.
We even went here:

We didn't take any pictures.
(I forgot our gangsta ass dispos. camera in the car. Damn, I miss my digital..ugh)

It took forever to get to our destination..once we did it was aiight.
Pretty hot and dusty, though.

The rest of the week was chill.
Chilled with my crazy Aunt. (Keeno loved her.. haha)
Chilled w/my pimp player..uncle!
Also chilled with some hellions.....

 

I'm silently stressing...
..
...
..
BILLS!

Bills never seem to stop rolling in even though I haven't been using my credit cards.

I'm not in debt...
I eat.
I live comfortable.
My husband and I enjoy eating out as well as other forms of entertainment.
I got a nice car that I whips me from here to there.
When I used to travel I never really had to worry about gas prices now I do.
It could be worse..I could be paying $4.06 for a gallon of gas.
INSANE!

Man, I don't know what it is..
I worry to much.
I think ahead... 2-3 months in advance.
I suppose our shift is getting to me.
The thought of moving.. worries me.

I've been in a funk the past 2 days.
I had a spat with someone who means the world to me.
have to believe this is where the stress is coming from.

Hmmm..
I'll make the most of today.
I'm going to go to the mall and get me a jamba juice.
Stop at best buy to purchase ink..
Hit up the post office.
Bead something for the hubba hubba.
Wait for our dvds from blockbuster to hit our mailbox.
and maybe..just maybe go for a swim.

I've been swimming a lot ..lately.
I never used to..until Keeno came.
He's in the pool on the daily.

^
Ahahha.. this pic looks like a blow up doll....

Enough.. cry'n..time to soak up the AZ sun!

Keeno, finally arrived home!
I missed him while he was gone.

I had a pretty eventful day.
Lil' man didn't come visit. ..which meant my day started off slow.
Usually, he comes over..we run in circles, dance and yell with laughter..that's usually how I start my day.
He was a no-show today...

Spent the rest of the day beading... [needed to calm my nerves]

4:00PM-
Departed to swoop up the hubba hubba..
traffic was horrible.. what usually is a 20min drive to the airport turned into a hour drive. ACCCK! Tucson (along with s. Phoenix) traffic is horrible.

Arrived at airport @ 5:24PM
hubba plane was scheduled to arrive at 5:07PM.
Luckly, as soon as I walked into the airport..I saw him at the baggage claim.
Attempted to sneak up on him..but failed.

Departed....
stopped at grocery store..picked up some eats..headed home...and started cooking.
It's sooo soo SO good to have him home.
wOO-hOO!
We chatted...and made up for lost time..laughing..of course..being goofy.

I had a great evening...

Now, off to eat ice cream. YUMMMMMMMM!